"I'm not...enough"

How many times have you told yourself, "I'm not good enough," or "I'm not skinny enough," or "I'm not smart enough."  Whatever "it is," it's the devil talking to you...and to me, trying to defeat us.  God tells us in Psalm 139:14 that "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Meditate on this part:  "I am ...wonderfully made."  Try repeating it over and over when you are thinking negative thoughts about yourself.  If that is not enough, what about this verse from Genesis 1:26:  "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness."  Yes, we are made in the likeness, the image, of God.  I have trouble with this one at times, but since He said it, it is true.  God does not lie.

American culture, in particular, has labelled women who are not size 0 as nothings, less than worthy of any consideration for anything.  All we need do is look at the fashion magazines at the check-out line for confirmation.  THEY are the ones who are lying.  The world's idea of beauty and worth are distorted in Hollywood and the fashion industry.  We are not to look to them for our self-worth, for we are to be set apart from them. While we are "in" this world, we are not "of" this world.  We get our worth from God, not the culture.

When you start to doubt yourself, your looks, or your abilities, remember who made you.  Commit Psalm 139: 13-14 to memory: "It was you who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made" by the creator of the universe itself.  Let that sink in.  God knew us in our mothers' wombs.  He made us the way we are.  Whether we are tall, short, or average, He knew that before we were formed in the womb.  He knew our hair, be it curly or straight.  He knew our skin tone, be it pale, dark, or in between. 

So, when that nasty voice in your head starts to berate you for whatever reason, push it down.  Don't listen.  You ARE good enough!

Attachment

 

 

God tells us not to be conformed to this world.....not to become attached to it .....I take it a step further in that we are not to become attached to "things."  There is the story of the rich  man who asked Jesus what he needed to do, and Jesus told him to sell what he had and give it to the poor.  This saddened the man because he was very wealthy.

Thirteen years ago this month I bought my house.  I knew  the moment I saw it that it was for me; it had my color scheme as well as the fireplace I wanted.  It has served me well.  But, I am not attached to it.  In fact, I am open to selling it after I retire if God moves me.

However, I "do" have an attachment to my parents' home where I grew up, and I am trying to reconcile losing it.  When my parents are gone, I am to sell it and divide the profits.  They have owned it since 1964 and lived in it since 1967.....almost exactly 48 years.  Dad retired from the Air Force for me to begin private kindergarten here.

This house has memories.  I walked through the backyard to my elementary school for grades 1-3; the playground is right behind their house, and now if I visit during a school day, I can hear the kids playing.  Then, I walked the sidewalks to another nearby school for grades 4 and 5.  Also, down the street there was a neighbor with a circular  driveway.  I have vivid memories of racing my bike through puddles on that circular driveway.

When I was small, we had one bathroom for the five of us.  It was not until I was grown that my then-husband and my dad built another bathroom as well as a breakfast room from the carport.  Memories.....

Also, as a child I remember climbing a ladder to the ROOF to help my dad, uncle Robbie, brother, and his friend reshingle the roof.  Dad even remembers me pushing the shingles to my uncle.  Today, I could not do that. As a child, I was brave and wanted to be a "big" girl.

I found out there is no Santa in that house.  On Christmas Eve one year I let our poodle out one more time before bed.  Behind the house was a box.  When I peered in, I saw the desk that Santa was to bring me later that night.  I just knew at that point, but I kept it to myself.

It was in that house that I remember the fake white Christmas tree of the early '70s.  I loved that white tree......so much so that I bought one myself a few years ago.

It was in this house that I began my fascination with current events.  I can remember by third grade sitting at the dining table eating breakfast while simultaneously watching the news and reading the Charleston newspaper.

When my husband and I separated, my son and I lived with my parents for nearly three years.  That house has special memories for him as well; he has his own attachment t.

So, I am trying to prepare myself for the day when my brother, son, and I meet at
 the house to take what belongings we want; the rest I plan to sell and add to the estAte.  It will be an excruciating time for my son and me as we realize we will be saying goodbye to the house that has been such an important part of our lives.  

I constantly remind(talk myself into) myself that it is "just" a house, and the memories will live.  I must not love the things of this world...........

The Battle

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens."  Ephesians 6:12

These are dark times in this country.  Summertime is supposed to be a carefree, fun time for kids out of school and families on vacation.  Yet, the last two months have been replete with a rapid fire of shootings resulting in mass murders.  It began with the Mother Emanuel shootings a short drive from me, and it has continued with shootings at military recruitment stations as well as in personal homes and another theater, this time in Louisiana.

We turn on the news any night, any time of the year, and we get the same thing:  death, death, and more death.  Children are killed or maimed in drive-by shootings, families are murdered in their homes by those close to them, people are shot dead at work or while enjoying a fun outing.

As awful as all of this is, we as Christians need to never lose sight of whom we battle.  Yes, these are men (primarily) who carry out these atrocities, but make no mistake about who is behind it.  The devil is real, as are his minions.  The Ephesians verse above makes it crystal clear to us believers:  we battle not man, but the powers of darkness that surround us.  And....it is getting worse.

I have had young people not understand how someone could do these things; my reply to them is that there is evil in this world.  Ultimately, there are two factions:  good and evil...and they are in a constant battle.  The good thing is that we Christians know the ending already......and our guy wins.

God has a sense of humor/Man may plan his steps, but God directs his path

I could not decide on a title for this post; I even considered "The best laid plans of mice and men."  Ultimately, all three pertain to this.  Bear with me while I relate this little vignette.

 Twenty-six years ago I began teaching English and would continue to teach that subject in grades sixth-AP English.  About the same time I took the Praxis test in English, I decided to also take it in elementary education to "make myself more marketable."  I had zero intention to teach elementary school.  My personality would mesh more with older kids, and I certainly did not want to teach anything but ELA..  Fast forward to a month ago.  The week after school was out for the summer, my principal called and told me she was moving me for this next year to the 3rd-5th grade Gifted and Talented pull-out position in the Lower Academy (My school is pre-k-8.).

I relate this because while I had other plans for my last two years prior to retirement, God had other plans.  I never had any intention of teaching elementary, so He does have a sense of humor.

I know people who design their lives---where they will live and what tbey will do----and God has jerked them right back where He wants them..  It is a matter of who controls their lives:  God or them?

Reflecting on God's Faithfulness

Today marks my 8th year cancer-free.  When I look back over the last eight years, I am in awe of God's faithfulness to me and my family.  I went through the six months of chemo without too many problems, other than my hair thinning.  The very last chemo treatment did have to be halted due to extreme back pain, but the doctor says that happens sometimes. Evidently, I didn't need it, though.  Throughout the chemo, I was able to work pretty much all the time, except on days when I had to take off for the chemo.  In the ensuing years, I have been able to recoup and surpass my prior sick days,  so I have days to take to help my parents if needed.  God is faithful.

Almost four years after I was diagnosed with colon cancer, my precious father was diagnosed.  Where my tumor had perforated the colon, his was a flat tumor on the side of the colon wall.  At 84 years old, he had surgery on a Thursday, was home the following Tuesday, and the Monday after that he was back on his riding lawn mower.  God is faithful.

In February of 2015, Mother was initially hospitalized with pneumonia.  After a week in ICU, she was sent home under hospice care with congestive heart failure.  Here, almost five months later, she is still bedridden in the hospital bed, and hospice still comes five days a week, but she is still hanging in there.  Her mind is still good, but she is too weak to get out of bed.  God has blessed Dad to be in good health to take care of her.  My brother cleans their house on Thursday and is there if they need him.  I go on Saturdays and Sundays to bathe her and relieve Dad so he can get out.  God is faithful.

I praise God every day that He has blessed us with my parents' overall good health; Dad has his mother's genes as she lived to be 92.  He has problems with skin cancers, but his health otherwise is pretty good for an 87.5 year old.

On top of all of this, I have a new position at work this fall, one that will reduce my stress exponentially.  That is a HUGE blessing considering what I may face with my parents.

God is good, and He is faithful.  Be encouraged that if you hang onto Him, He can get you through any of life's trials.