Monday, October 26, 2015

Hope in the Dark...

The last few days have been emotionally toiling.  I have felt like pulling the covers over my head and not emerging until spring.  God has given me a couple of nuggets to strengthen me.  The first was a phone call with a Fayetteville, NC area code; that could mean just one person---my guardian angel who began as a fresh-faced student in my English class in August of 1988.  He encouraged me for about half an hour as I got to work this morning.  The second nugget was this: 

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/10/how-to-keep-hoping-when-you-really-just-want-to-give-up/

It is a wonderful read, but the crux of it is that there is hope in the dark.  There is always hope in the dark.....That hope is faith.  We must have faith in the darkest of times.  That is what faith is; if things are going well, we don't need faith.


Sunday, October 25, 2015

When God is all there is

Life sucks.  It stinks.  People you love will deliberately (or not) hurt you.  They will deflect responsibility and play the blame game, assigning all of their problems' origins  to you.  No one can help; all your "friends" are absent.  There is but one you can run to, count on---and that's God.  He is always there to listen; He knows before you ever utter a word.  When God is all there is...

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

The tears flow

uncontrollably............The tears flow....not tears of sadness but of joy...uncomprehending joy.  How could God love me that much?  How could he love me enough to put a person from my past back into my life to offer encouragement when I am down? 

The tears flow when he tells me that my early morning prayer text signaled to him his meeting with a less-than-forthright boss would be ok.....

The tears flow.........uncontrollably when I think of the impact he says I had on his life....

The tears flow when I think of the little ones....and the not-so-little ones who lumber into my room each Friday....whose faces show indescribable joy when they bite into a simple cupcake...........

The tears flow when I think that such a simple act brings them such happiness..........

The tears are flowing unchecked tonight................

Monday, October 12, 2015

Shaking the Past of Failure

There is a time when I have to shake off the past....shed that skin before it consumes me and takes me back to that dark place...the place of Failure.  The place of I failed as a parent.  I failed as a Christian.  I failed as a teacher.  I was never good enough and never will be good enough.  I don't measure up in any area. To shake this, I must excise people from my life.  The perfect people have to go.  In their perfection they are toxic.  I must surround myself with the real people....the blemishes...the imperfect.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Thinking Inside the Box

This is the inside of Mother's precious box.  I have written about this before, but this is very dear to her.  Whenever I bathe her, she is very particular about where I put this and makes sure she gets it back when I am done.  It has items she wants near her:  Vicks Rub, a compact with mirror, lipstick, eyedrops, and Benedryl.....oh, and the tissues.   This affords her a modicum of control in a situation where she otherwise has no control.