Weary

Weariness is a word that most people equate with physical exhaustion.  For me, it is not physical but mental.  My life is marked by a lot of turmoil at this time; there is my mother's situation as well as some personal issues.  I am t.i.r.e.d.  Today is one of those days where I just want to bury my head in the sand and not come up.  I have little to hold on to physically, so I have to keep these verses in mind: 

       Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.    Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)

       He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)

I must focus not on the present, but on the promises God has given me of the future.  Consequently, I remind myself this is but a momentary affliction.  It.will.not.last.

       "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." (2 Corinthians 4:17). 

       "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

       "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

       "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

   

Obedience

For a few weeks now I have been bathing Mother on my own on Sundays.  Starting yesterday, I added Saturdays to it as well.  Dad won't have help for her on Saturdays again for a few weeks, so I told him last week I would come Saturdays and Sundays; it's only an hour away, and he needs me.

Dad stands beside her bed and directs me on which pads go under her and how to situate them.  Today, I bathed her in twenty minutes; I am getting better.  Today was also a first in that I "changed" her without Dad's help.  Somehow, she tends to slide down into the "valley" of the bed as she calls it.  Dad has trouble pulling her up due to arthritis, so when I am there, I hoist her up when she needs it. She also likes to lie on her side for awhile, so I roll her over and prop the pillow behind her.

When I go, I try to give him as much respite from the physical demands as possible.  He always goes out to the store and/or to get us lunch, and after we eat, he takes a nap in his recliner.  I sit in the dining room where Mother's bed is, and we chat some.  Today, she told me to go take a nap as well, so I went into Matthew's old bedroom and slept for about 45 minutes.  We all napped.

We don't know what life will bring.  I never imagined I would be changing my mother, applying hot rags to her hemorrhoids, or bathing her.  However, it must be done.  A month ago I never thought I could do any of these things.  It is obedience....simple obedience.  "Honor your father and mother...."

Fear

2 Timothy 1:7:  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Psalm 115:11:  "You who fear him, trust in the Lord--he is their help and shield."

Psalm 56:3:  "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

Isaiah 41:13:  "For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.' "

 

Reversal of Roles

Today I helped my father bathe my mother.  I never imagined our roles would be reversed, but life is unpredictable.  It is a bit disconcerting to see your mother naked, exposed, vulnerable.  About mid-way through, it became easier, and as I told Dad, "You do what you have to do."  She is bedridden and can not do for herself.  Hospice sends a certified caregiver to bathe her five days a week, and Dad pays a woman on Saturdays to do the same.  Still, he is the PRIMARY caregiver and had been bathing her on Sundays.  Daily he is the one to change her, to get her food, to refill her glass. 

So, I had to put aside my own feelings and think of my father.  He is 87 years-old, and it is difficult for him to physically turn her and pull her up in the bed.  After we finished today, I told him that starting next Sunday, I think I can do it myself---to give him a break.

I am reminded of Ephesians 6:2:  "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."  Also  1 Timothy 5:8:  "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

So, at this stage of my life, this is my calling....how I spend my Sundays.  No, I am not in church, but I am doing what I am meant to do.  I don't know how long my parents will be here, and it is my responsibility to do what I can to help them. They have always been there for me; now, it is my turn.


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Life's Not Fair

"That's not fair!"  How many times have I heard middle school kids say that?  Too many to count, and my response is always the same:  "Life's not fair; build a bridge and get over it!"  This week I have had to eat my own words.  I feel God is teaching me through this as well.  Then, I began to think of just what is not fair.  Here is the litany I came up with:  Is it fair that a wife has to endure habitual beatings from her husband?  Or that a child is victim to beatings by his parent?  What about the person who works her fingers to the bone at work to see subordinates and incompetents promoted, both literally and figuratively?  Is it fair that homeless people are treated like scum?  Or, is it fair that they are even homeless at all in the richest country on earth?  Is it fair that the very wealthy pay little to no taxes while the middle class in this country bear the brunt of funding the government?  Is it fair that able-bodied adults milk the system to enjoy welfare payments at the expense of honest, hard-working individuals? 

You see, what's not fair is subjective; it depends upon our life experiences.  Ultimately, God is the great equalizer, the judge of what is fair and what isn't.  Ecclesiastes 3:16-17 states, "I saw something else on earth; In the place of justice, there was wickedness, and in the place of fairness, there was wickedness.  I thought to myself, 'God will judge both the righteous and the wicked; for there is an appropriate time for every activity, and there is a time of judgment for every deed.' "

So, every time I think to myself, "That's not fair," I will remind myself that God is the ultimate judge, and He will eventually right every wrong.  It is not my job to dwell on it and question when He will act.