Reaping What You Sow --or--Forgiveness?

My son called today from Colorado.  His father, my ex, has prostate cancer.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, as the saying goes, because he is only 48 years-old; prostate cancer is "an old man's disease."  This is further complicated by the fact that he is an alcoholic.  He enters rehab in Denver in a few weeks with the intention of stopping drinking.  The doctors want to remove the prostate gland, but they won't as long as he drinks.

Seven or eight years ago I would have said, "Good for ya!  You deserve it!  You reap what you sow." He never paid child support save one six month period in 2012 when it was garnished.  He is nearly $30,000 behind and the reason I always worked two jobs while Matthew was growing up.  He ignored Matthew's birthdays and Christmases.  So, he deserves this, right? 


That was seven or eight years ago.   Now, I feel nothing but pity for him.  He has had a hard life since our divorce and his return to Colorado in 2002.  I don't know about his life prior to last Father's Day when our son arrived in Colorado to live with him awhile.  But, within one week of Matthew's arrival, they were homeless, living in a motel.  It would be about a month before they borrowed a camper and parked it in the in-laws' yard. They lived in that camper through the rough Colorado winter until about a month ago when they finally moved into town and a house.

He is no longer able to work construction due to his back, shoulder, and knees; twenty-five years of construction takes its toll.  He has been turned down for disability because "he's not 50."  Now he has cancer.  Now he has to enter rehab.

I don't know what the future holds for Donald, but I know I feel no animus toward him.  I will pray for him; whatever hostility I held for him died years ago.  In the midst of this, God will use this to teach my son a valuable lesson--of that I *know.*

"When you do for the least of these....."

I have been under attack recently---not an all-out attack---but the devil has been stirring the witch's cauldron, or should I say,  warlock's cauldron.  Then, this week two verses came to mind:  "No weapon formed against you shall prosper," and the one from this morning:  "When you do for the least of these, you have done for me."

Now, God sent those verses to my mind for me, to encourage me.  I have a mission in life (for the next 15 months or so), and when God puts you on a mission, you have work to do.  When you realize this, the devil will attempt to wreck havoc.   I can handle him; he is behind me.   So, my focus here is on the second verse:  "When you do for the least of these, you have done for me."

If you are reading this post, chances are that you know me, and if you do, you know I teach.  This is year 28.  For most of those 28 years, I was oblivious to the "big picture"--the "mission" I was on.  I didn't see it as a mission, but just a job.  I thought I was a Christian for most of those years, but I wasn't truly.  Yes, I went to church, and yes, I believed in God and Jesus as His son.............but. I .didn't .follow. Them. What does that even mean?  It means as I walk through each day, I should have the lens of Jesus on.  It's hard; He was perfect; I am not.  The kids I have taught for 27 of those 28 years are challenging and hard to get through to.  When I think back on 28 years, some of the adults have been just as challenging.  I remember talking to two professing Christians about our jobs being a "mission field."  They raised their eyebrows and looked at me as though I were a nutcase.  I choose to believe they are at a different place in their walk with God.  I am getting better.

"When you do for the least of these, you have done for me."  I am thinking now of a little second grader I see each morning as he makes his way to breakfast, passing me as I stand at my duty post between 7 and 7:30AM.  I don't  exactly remember how we "bonded," but as a fairly new student in January, he stopped to ask me some logistical questions.  I went to his classroom the next day to give him a GOTCHA ticket for being so "grown-up" to ask questions.  From then on, he has hugged me each morning.  I found out from his teacher that his mother had been in jail when he first came to us.  Then, the other morning he was looking particularly tired.  He spilled that he had been at the laundromat until 11pm the night before, so he didn't go to bed until midnight.  I gave him a hug, hurried him to breakfast, and told his teacher so she would be prepared for him to be tired.  I am there for him as an encourager, even if I don't teach him.

"When you do for the least of these, you have done for me."  Since this is my daily verse to live by now, this is how I strive to live my life.  I may not do a lot for anyone, but I can do something for someone. This has affected every part of my life, including my political views.  No longer can I vote for someone who spews hatred of any ethnic group or who proposes disavowing any human responsibility that we have for our fellow man.  That human responsibility we have toward our fellow man is more important than anything else, for Jesus said, ""When you do for the least of these, you have done for me."  When I meet Him one day, what do I want Him to say:  "Get away from me; I never knew you," or "Well done, my good and faithful servant"? 

If you consider yourself a follower of Jesus, what do you want Him to say to you?

Retirement

Retirement--------------Because of choices I made when I separated in 1998, I never thought I would live to experience this.  Then, last summer God slapped me up side my head and showed me it would happen through His provision to fix my mistake of all those years ago.

This is my 28th year teaching; next year will be my last.  Last week a colleague asked what I will do; I told her, "whatever I want to do."  My bff, who retired last year, told me it will probably take me a year to get acclimated to being free to plan my days.

I know I will seek God to show me what to do.  I know he has been preparing me for the next phase of my life.  Will it include building a Habitat house?  Maybe.  Though I can't hammer a nail straight, I know he has a sense of humor, so that "could" be part of my rebirth.

I know I do not desire to travel the world.  There are a few places I would like to see, and if it happens fine; if not, that's fine, too.  I've been on one cruise, and that was enough.  I was sick as a dog one day and night.  I've seen Barbados, St. Maarten, Grenada, St. Thomas, and Martinque.   To me, after awhile, all islands look the same.

So, I'll take time to savor my rebirth, revisit some long lost hobbies, and wait for God to put opportunities before me.

Why I'm Voting for Bernie

I have had people ask me why I'm voting for Bernie Sanders for President.  If you have kept up with this blog lately, you know I was reared a republican.  Here is why I have turned my back on the republicans and am voting for Bernie.

1.  I am disgusted with the republicans running.  I believe that all politicians, by definition, are cheaters and  liars to one degree or another.  This bunch seems to be full of them.  Each is so desperate to win, they disparage the others rather than sticking to important issues facing this country

2 The only litmus test for the evangelicals is the abortion issue.  Let me make this clear:  Reagan, George Bush, and George W. Bush----all republicans----did not overturn Roe vs. Wade.  It is not going away....period....Plus, while I myself would never have an abortion, who am I to tell another woman she can't?  That's not *my* business; it's between her and God.  So, if a candidate claims to be a born-again Christian and against abortion, he is the only one fit to run this country?  That's a bit short-sighted, in my opinion.
 
3.  What plan does any republican have for getting our economy back on track? 

4.  We need universal health care as other countries have it.  Republicans are against it.  In my view, that is a BASIC HUMAN right.  Bernie is for this.  He is not for throwing out Obamacare as HRC suggests to sway voters her way.  He wants to change it so everyone gets healthcare with no deductibles. 

5.  Bernie is not much different than FDR, and most historians would equate him as one of the BEST, if not THE best President, we ever had.  It was under FDR's New Deal that minimum wage was created as well as Social Security. He is the President who created jobs to bring us out of the Depression.  Who NOW wants to throw out Social Security?  Like FDR,  Bernie has a plan for creating new jobs to help replace the jobs people lost in the recession.  There are people who lost jobs and homes in the recession who have yet to recover.  

6.  I see Bernie's proposal for free college for all an extension of Social Security in this respect:  If the elderly have a safety net, why shouldn't young people have a step up in getting started in life so they are not saddled with astronomical debt for the rest of their lives?  If they can get a college education, they can become productive members of society for years until they, too, can draw social security.

7.  Bernie wants the wealthiest of the wealthy to pay their share of taxes.  Many of them pay nothing or next to nothing because of tax loopholes that allow them to skate free.

This is just a quick snapshot of why I am voting for a Democrat for the first time in my life.  I feel good about it and at peace.  I don't have tunnel vision, but rather a vision for a better America for ALL. 

Latest Ramblings

In my last blog post I wrote about being raised a republican and how I have evolved into an independent, leaning toward a democrat. I was raised in the middle class, but I am not oblivious to the suffering of the poor.  When I think of my upbringing, I am shocked we were considered middle class.  By today's standards, we would not be.    When my dad retired from civil service in December 1993, he was making $40,000 a year---the most he ever made.  That means when we three kids were growing up, he made considerably less than that.  My parents paid $14,000 for their house in 1963; they paid it off in 20 years, and they always had two vehicles.  My mother was the queen of thrift; she even had an aunt who made many of my clothes.  I can not understand how they made it except for her thriftiness and the fact that things were cheaper in the 60s and 70s.

When I went to college, my dad took out loans and paid them as I went to school, so by the time I graduated, I had only about $1000 to pay back.  As a teacher, I have almost always worked at least one other job, sometimes two.  I know how hard it is for the middle class now.  Through working in Title One schools all my life and working with the poor, I know what generational poverty looks like.

This week I heard a colleague bemoan how kids could wear $100 shoes but not have a pencil for class.  He does not understand poverty.  I don't fault him for that because I myself was a slow learner.  We have two kinds of kids in the schools:  those whose parents work hard, sometimes two jobs, to give them whatever they want.  Their life outlook is one where they will give their kids what they couldn't have when they were kids.  Image is extremely important to them, so they will look good and have the latest gadgets.  In their minds, this makes them like everyone else......  Then, there are the poorest of the poor---those without running water and who really don't know where their next meal will come from. 

Knowing what I know, how can I vote any other way than democratic?  This country is a mess.  Young adults can not afford to go to college without coming out in debt up to their eyeballs, and health insurance should be a national right as it is in other countries.  No longer do I see foreign policy as the most important issue in the presidential election.  If our country continues to disintegrate, there will be no need for foreign policy.  We have to fix what is broken here first.  I can not and will not support candidates who either 1) continue to line the pockets of corporate America or 2) turn a blind eye to the REAL issues facing this nation.

Evolution

On some levels, I can not believe I am penning this post.  When I titled this "Evolution," I was not talking about Darwin's theory; I was talking about me.  As a child, I was reared in a republican home, although I never remember being indoctrinated.  It was just obvious my parents were republicans, and as children often do, I grew up voting the same way.  Ronald Reagan was my not only my first President I voted for (1984), but I count him as the best in my lifetime.  I still attribute the decline of communism and the break-up of the Soviet Bloc to him.

Yet......fast forward over thirty years.  The world has changed, but more importantly, the United States has changed.  In my youth I was oblivious to social agendas.  In the last few years, it has become impossible for me to close my eyes to the suffering around me.  Perhaps it is more pronounced as the population of poor and homeless has skyrocketed. With the advent of the internet, the economic downfall of many is plastered everywhere. Whenever I seek out news articles, it is easier to find stories of the onslaught of tent cities or articles of homeless people who have been attacked or killed by youth.  So many Americans are literally one paycheck away from being homeless.  How can people turn their backs?  There, but for the grace of God.......

So, in this election year, I am aghast at the slate of republican candidates offering themselves for President.  Many spew hate-filled, paranoid speech against those seeking better lives in America.  What happened to "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free....."?  I remember having to memorize the Emma Lazarus inscription in a high school English class in the late '70s.  Aside from that, I have to think, "What would Jesus do?"  Would He approve of most of what He would be hearing today?  THAT and only THAT is driving how I plan to vote this time around.  For that reason, I will NOT be voting for a republican.

For the first time in my life, I will be voting in the Democratic Primary and casting that vote for Bernie Sanders.  Thirty years ago, I would have laughed if anyone told me that I would be voting for someone of his political persuasion.  However, I am not the same person, and when I look at the social needs of my country, I can not vote for a republican, and I believe we need some radical change---the kind of change he promulgates.  He may not make it to the Democratic nomination, but he has my vote in the primary. 

It's a heart issue

I "unfriended" several people after the Clemson-Alabama game.  Without repeating what they said about my beloved Tigers, let me explain before you say I was over-reacting.  These were Gamecock fans, and rather than rooting for the state team who would bring honor and dignity to South Carolina, they were so filled with hatred for Clemson that they pulled for Alabama.  On the surface, that's no big deal.  However, with what they posted, they totally disrespected their Clemson friends, and in one case, it even bordered on bullying or taunting.  These were adults----adult bullies---who were mean-spirited, flaunting insults that were meant to inflame or inflict bad feelings. That, folks, is a heart issue.

To put it bluntly, we have a mean society.  That little vignette above is true, but it is symptomatic of our society as a whole.  I can pinpoint that the degeneration of our society goes back to the days of the Jerry Springer "talk" show.  I never watched it, but I remember flipping channels and for the first time hearing the "bleeping" out of words and seeing adults on stage yelling and fighting with each other and the host egging them on.  From that with the advancement of technology, we now have kids in school taking videos of fights and posting them to You tube.  We have teenagers beating up homeless people, and I don't mean 18 or 19 year-olds.  Last week in a city near me, an elderly woman was shot and killed waiting for her daughter to come out of a mall----the victim of a purse-snatching.

Back to the "unfriending" story above----I don't need mean people in my life, especially not on Facebook.  I am not a Gamecock fan, but out of respect for my Gamecock friends, I would never taunt them on Facebook.  That is a heart issue, a character issue.

Listening to God and Obeying

It is sometimes a scary thing to listen for God's voice.  When I inexplicably hear it, I *know* it is His voice.  No, I don't audibly hear voices; it is in my head or my spirit, if you will.  I don't know how I know it is His; I just *do*.  This morning was such a morning, and it has taken me aback.  As I was making my breakfast smoothie to drink at work, I heard this voice say, "I know the plans I have for you.......Send this to ----."  It was as clear as a bell, as the cliché goes.  So, I did just that.  His text reply was that he had just been talking to his mother, who had told him the same verse.  He took this as a confirmation that he should rest in God's promises as the devil has been messing with his mind lately, too.

Later, I saw a post on Facebook from a young teacher at work whose grandmother died a year ago today.  As I was walking to pick up my first kids, I found myself turning onto her hallway.  I can only describe it as an out of body experience.  I had no intention of going there.  The next thing I knew, I was at her desk, past a sea of first graders.  I told her I had seen her posting and for her to focus on the good memories today.  She said that made her feel so much better.  I believe that was God's message for her, and I was merely the messenger.  I didn't plan to do this; I felt God steering me to her room; in fact, I get teary-eyed afterwards in thinking about this.  God knew exactly what she needed just as He knew exactly what my friend above needed.

Most people won't "get" this, and that's ok.  Twenty years ago I wouldn't have, either.

The Love of Money

1 Timothy 6:10: "For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."


I struggle with resentment of wealthy people, even disdain for them.  I would not want to be them for literally all the money in the world.  I have a wise friend who is now retired who has shared some insight into those people.  She says they are preoccupied with keeping their wealth and obsessed with how to make more.  I believe that is true.  Yes, there are some wealthy people who are philanthropic, such as Bill and Melinda Gates and Mark Zuckerman; however, there are far more who care nothing for the less fortunate and are, indeed, preoccupied with tightening the grip on what wealth they do possess.  The Bible has much to say about wealth, but I will focus on just this story:

Matthew 19:20-22  chronicles  the story of the rich man who encountered Jesus.  Here is what it says:  20The young man said to Him, "All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?" 21Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 22But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.…

The same story is found in Mark 10: 20-22:   And he said to Him, "Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up." 21Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, "One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 22But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property.…

Finally, it is ALSO in Luke:  And he said, "All these things I have kept from my youth." 22When Jesus heard this, He said to him, "One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 23But when he had heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich.…

I really feel sorry for people like this.  I have never bought a lottery ticket and likely never will.  I suppose I am considered "middle class."  All I want is enough money to pay my bills and be able to breathe a little.  I don't need a fancy house, fancy car, or trips around the world.

Total Reliance, Take 2

I was in an accident yesterday.  I have had an uneasy feeling for the last week that the devil was going to try something to derail my plans for this new year--financial plans.  Yesterday, he attempted just that.

I was leaving Walterboro after spending a few hours helping my dad with Mother.  I was still in the city limits in a 35 mile per hour intersection.  I had the right of way.  As I approached the intersection, a silver Chrysler Town and Country began to turn in front of me.  As I slammed on the brakes and horn simultaneously, he PROCEEDED to hit my driver side front end.  (I believe he was messing on his ......phone, though it is mere speculation.)  As I told his parents later, "How could he NOT have seen me????!!).  While I was on with 911, two of Walterboro's finest showed up; they had been on the side street, and since no one asked me what happened, I assume they saw it all.  After about an hour, the wrecker came and towed both vehicles to the wrecker yard.  The operator was able to pull my bumper out and tie it out so I could drive the car home.  The parents of the man who hit me came, and the father apologized for my discomfort.  He said, "If we had known he had a suspended license, we never would have let him use our car.  There had been a roadblock, and he was probably trying to avoid that."  Wow!

I have to flip this and look at it as the glass half-full.  I mean, in the blip of my life, this is a micro-blip.  Nevertheless, it is a difficult annoyance that I have to deal with.  For one, although I have a very nice boss, my profession itself does not lend itself to allowing employees to have personal lives that need attention outside of work.  In plan talk:  it will be very difficult to deal with all of this insurance-wise while having to return to work tomorrow.  I don't care if people snicker that I say the devil is messing with me; I know he is real and messes with God's people.  This couldn't have happened two weeks ago while I was off from work?  No.

Another annoyance is that I have very few people here in town I can count on.  I do have a ride home from work tomorrow, but I have to figure out getting *to* work from the collision center, about a mile away from work.

Today I was messaging with my splendid former student-turned-prayer warrior/friend in NC.  He reminded me that God already has all of this worked out.  And, I know he is correct.  Then, as I was driving home from my parents' house today in the truck, a few verses crossed my mind.  Proverbs 18:24. . . there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother

Philippians 4:19: "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

So, as my dear former student-turned-prayer warrior/friend in NC says, "....now you can let God take over and watch Him work again.  We need to see his power on a regular basis.....Your God has this!"