Letting Go vs. Hanging On

Sometimes it is comfortable to hang on to that which we know.

Today, on my first day of freedom in 29 years (not returning to school), God gifted me with a phone call from North Carolina--a student from 29 years ago.  We chatted on his way to work, but he left me with these pearls:

          "It's funny how we hold on to the very things we've been freed from."

God sent through ---'s mouth to my ears.

Thanks, God, for remembering me today.

Seamless Transition

Some people may get sick of hearing this, and if so, they can move on to the next blog.  But, I am amazed at how seamless my transition to retirement has been.  First, there is the miracle of it at all.  There are a handful of people who know why it is a miracle, and it will stay that way.  They know that, given the facts, it is only through Him that it happened.

So, I should not be surprised at how easy the transition has been.  My NC friend always says, "He's got it," or "He's already worked it out."  The thing that sorta-kinda surprised me is that I don't miss school.at.all. At.all.

I was always one who was chained to the work email, and I had one boss for a very long time who expected it.  Our fabulous tech person told me my email account would be closed in July; well, I was locked out the last week of June.  At first, I thought I made a mistake; I kept trying for about three days.  Then, reality sunk in:  Ginger, you're out.  

And, for this recovering work email addict, I didn't need rehab.  

I still can't believe I am free at 54 years-old.  I can do whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want-without-asking-permission-or-forgiveness.  I have so many projects around the house when this summer is over and cool weather comes.  I have to power wash the house and finally get fifteen years plus of yard debris from areas of the yard that have yet to be revealed.  Then, there are painting projects.  Oh, and my crocheting ministry that I have joined.  All of these along with my other ventures will keep me busy---*my* kind of busy.

I can not begin to express what freedom feels like.

Thankful

Sometimes, I think we just need to stop--really stop--and count our blessings.  I tend to be a worrier, though I am SO much better than I was twenty years ago.  God has done so much in my life that I could fill many blog posts. In fact,  I have written many about what he has done, but today I was struck again by his faithfulness to the point I was almost in tears.  And, I do need to journal about it tonight.  I won't go into specific details here, but let's just say yesterday and last night were not good for me. He knew I needed encouragement, and he sent two people via Facebook Messenger to do just that; one lives an hour away, but the other is in Sweden or Finland right now with his son's soccer.  Well, that's pretty close to Russia, so he couldn't be much further; yet, God uses the power of the internet.  How awesome is that that God is tech-saavy?  Anyway, I *KNEW* beyond a shadow of any doubt that those messengers were godly-sent.  So, today, I am taking time out to count my blessings.  These are simply as they come to me; they are not ranked in any order at all:

1.  my health and my family's health
2.  my son's job and volunteerism
3.  my retirement (that itself is a miracle)
4.  opportunities He has opened
5.  provisions He has made
6.  a really, really good friend in the form of a former student who is God's mouthpiece to me (quite often)
7.  ability to "be there" for my parents when needed
8.  a dependable friend who is more like a sister from "another muther" who has been with me through all my cancer surgeries and tests
9.  pets' health (even my poor Miles in kidney failure is still pretty active for 20)
10.  plenty of food and a roof over my head
11.  the ability to do for P
12.  the calling for another service, but it seems to have been spurned.  This needs prayer.

What are you thankful for?

Battling my demon

Life is a journey filled with lessons and trials; we never "arrive" at our destination.  We are meant to grow, stumble, grow some more, stumble some more...... It doesn't matter what our goals are.  For me, the biggest challenge I have had throughout the course of my life is my weight.  That is my #1 demon.  

Recently, a high school/college friend commented on Facebook I was going to be nothing but bones.  What she can't see is my body fat.  Truly, weight and fitness are one's personal issues.   Bottom line:  I"m not happy with what I see in the mirror.   My entire life I have been made to think I was not good enough, not thin enough to fit someone else's idea of what I should look like--family, school mates, ex-, society.  My mind has battled all those put-downs.  Don't tell me words don't hurt; they do.  Even though my rational mind tells me, "It's none of their damn, fricking business," it has impacted everything about my life.  

When I look back at school pictures, there was a dramatic change between first and second grade.  I don't know what caused it, but it's there.  Fast forward to 6th grade when my parents put me in private school.  A vivid memory I have of that time is being bullied--yes, bullying has been around since the beginning of time, I'm sure.  Some of the boys gave me the nickname "Butterball," as in Butterball turkey, thought to be the biggest.  When I would recount this story to my students decades later, they listened with rapt attention; their teacher could relate to their being bullied.

In my senior year of high school,  I remember walking all around Forest Hills.  I had a regiment where I would eat dinner between 4 and 4:30 and walk.  I lost quite a bit of weight by doing so.  Fast forward to having my son.  I knew I needed to get the weight off, so my husband agreed to help me do Weight Watchers.  I excitedly brought a lot of diet food home, and then he announced, "I'm not eating diet food!"  I had to cook two meals, one for him and one for me, so fried food it was:  fried chicken, fried round steak and gravy.  It was horrible.  There was no support at all from his end; in fact, there was the opposite.

The stress of teaching and some work situations in particular would set me off.  I'm an emotional eater and stress eater.  I've never had an eating disorder, but I would often run for the snack machine at work,  I can remember occasions where I would get 3 or 4 bags of chips and eat them within minutes.  It got to the point where I could not carry cash to work.  It was not better at home with my son.  I bought him the snack size box of chips for his lunches or snacks, and you guessed it; I ate more of them than he did.  There were times when he went to them and asked what happened to them.  I know my triggers and just can't have unhealthy food in the house.  A few months ago I craved chips, so on my way home I stopped at the Dollar Tree.  Their bags are relatively small, so how much damage could I do?  Well, that bag ended up being my dinner.  While it didn't put weight on me, the next day or two I felt awful--sluggish and "yucky."

Fast forward to my current situation.  I have lived alone for two years now, and there is no excuse for me NOT to get healthy.  The worst food I have in the house is almond butter. (I can't keep peanut butter because I would eat spoonfuls right out of the jar.)  I literally have to leave the house and go seek any "bad" food.  Now, that does not mean I won't indulge when I want.  It just means I am more deliberate about my choices.  I will grab a burger and fries about once a month with a friend.  I will have off days.  That's ok because this is a journey; my goal is to eat healthy about 80-90% of the time.  Oh, and abs and biceps---I know I have them somewhere, and I'm on a journey to find them.

 Now that I am retiring this summer, I have made it a conscious decision to focus on ME.  I no longer have the stress of the job.  My part-time tutoring/mentoring work is keeping me as busy as I want, and my pet nanny job is gearing up as the humans prepare to make their annual trek to Cozumel.  That is looking busier into the fall as the mom has a work trip to Dubai planned, her normal travel for business,  and perhaps other countries with the hubby.   I am busy between those part-time jobs and visiting/doing for my parents.  I am getting my mind in a healthy place, and I am keeping it busy.  Fitness truly does begin in the mind.  I have told someone that her mind truly has to be in the right place.  Mine has been off and on for years; right now, it's focused.  I workout almost every single day, sometimes twice a day (when I feel extra-motivated).  My food is on point.  I am keeping stress to the minimum, and I am dealing with this demon head-on.

(Ha!  If you made it this far, I know it's due to the title.)

Dad's Kindness

My dad is one of a kind...and a true saint on earth.    When I am with him, he makes me want to be a better person.  Today we started round 2 of his Keytruda immunotherapy treatments.  The longest part is waiting to see the oncologist or nursing assistant and waiting on the drug to be prepared; the infusion itself is 30 minutes.  Every step of the way, when he leaves the nurses, he thanks them.  We normally see Amy to do his vitals and put the needle in.  Dad cuts jokes with her every time....and I noticed today he thanked her for what she does for him.  Then, we now have to go to the hospital plaza where they have moved the cancer infusion/chemo because Keyserling is going to be undergoing renovations to expand it.  The rest of his treatments will involve giving his blood/getting vitals/seeing the doctor at Keyserling and then driving to the hospital complex.

Today, as he left the hospital, he thanked the nurse who had hooked up the bag and later removed the needle.  She didn't do that much, but that's how Dad is; he appreciates everything.

Last night on the phone I told him how for the first time in my life--and the first time in the 15 years I have lived here--my neighbor offered to cut my weeds at the street when he was mowing his yard yesterday.  Let me say that due to the oak trees, weeds at the street are about all that are growing, so that's all that needed mowing.  I was blown away.  Dad's response? 

          "That's what the world needs--more people being nice to each other."

That is so Dad.  He has never known a stranger.  When he retired in December of '93, he toyed with the idea of being a Walmart greeter, but Mother didn't want him to.  In fact, when they used to go to Walmart when he was driving, she admitted to being jealous when he would talk to people.  "Who was that???"  she demanded to know.  Sometimes he told her the name; other times he didn't know the name.  He.would.strike.a.conversation.with.anyone.  He has never cared the person's color, religion, or anything else we use to JUDGE people.

It would not surprise me to get to heaven one day and find that Dad is a greeter.  

Paw Prints on Our Hearts

Decoy came home this weekend.  He was one of the pets I pet sit for.  I think I've been his family's sitter for almost 7 years; I lose track of time.  His dad is an EMT, and his mom travels the globe as an educational consultant.  When they are both away, I am their pets' sitter.  I think when I began there was Lady, a black lab; Jake, a chocolate who passed away last June; Decoy, this lab; and Emma, a man-loving cat.  None are left now except Charlie, the golden doodle seen in some of these pictures.

Decoy battled a tumor for the last 14 months or so, and he was on and off medication.  Last Tuesday night, the night AFTER I was last with him, was brutal; his parents knew the time had come.  I remember when his parents got him over 12 years ago.  Here he was as a pup:

Decoy was trained to be a duck hunting dog, and he truly loved to do that in his heyday.  Here are some more pictures of him with Lady and Madison, his sisters, and then Emma, his feline sister:

And, here he was when I pet-sat for him:

And treat time may be the way I best remember him:

Run free, Decoy, with Lady and Madison.  Say hello to all my kitties for me!  Nanny G loved you!

Sparkles is home.

When I love, I love deeply, and my cats are no exception.  This never gets easier, and some people may ask why I do it then.  Why do I have pets?  I would save them all if I could.  I believe every animal should have the chance at a good life where he or she is loved and pampered. One day I will blog about what started my love for cats, but it's still too painful after all these years.  

This is my second urn in almost 7 months.  Sparkles is on the right; Lovie is on the left.  She really loved him in the few short months they were together before he passed.

 And here she is in happy times with her siblings:

In spite of what a minister once said, I firmly believe I will see all my pets in heaven one day.  God is God.  Nothing is too hard for him; why would He give these animals to us on earth to love and care for, only to take them away from us forever?  That makes no sense to me.  I will see Sparkles, along with Prissy Mae, Fluffy Marie, Fluffer Andrew, Royena, Baby, Mollianne, Snowy, Thumper, and Lovie.  I have had 15 cats in 42 years, and I remember every name and every circumstance surrounding their passings.  They have left huge paw prints on my heart that remain almost 27 years after the first one passed away.  

God Restores

God brings some people into our lives for a season; He brought this woman into my life for several reasons, but I will share just one here publicly.  She is my most immediate former principal, and even though I retired, I still cried yesterday when we as a faculty told her goodbye as well as on my way home.....and I cry now as I type this.   I cried because I could have returned to visit her, but she is leaving the area.  As I told her yesterday, words can not express what she has meant to me.    In the last three years, she brought me out of the desert  and restored everything in my teaching life that had been ripped away:  my dignity, my worth, my value, my autonomy....literally everything.

In my 29 years, I have worked for 8 principals.  As my bff would say, "Most were not worth two dead flies."  In fact, only two of the 8 were what principals should be:  Roger Hudson (an interim at Ruffin High) and Nicole Thomas Holloman.  When Ms. Holloman came to my school, she had to straighten out one helluva mess....That is the best, most succinct way to express it.  AND, this is telling; the then-new Superintendent changed the leadership of my school before any other.  There is a MAJOR problem when year after year, the average number of teachers who leave a 6-8 school is 18 or so.  Ms. Holloman  had to rebuild the culture in the school from one that was oppressive, disheartening, and tyrannical, ( and I am being kind).   She led by giving teachers autonomy (as opposed to micromanaging every move out of distrust) and treating them with the respect they deserve to make decisions for what they knew to be best.  A dark cloud lifted when God put her there.  That's the best way to sum it up.  And.....make no mistake......God put her there.  I know that beyond any doubt.

I will always be grateful for what she has done for me in these last three years.  May God give her grace, wisdom, and protection in her coming assignment.  

Passing the torch

I think the girl who gave this to me in the 6th grade is now going into the 10th; it was hard for me to keep track once they left my school. Of all the things I was given over the years, this is the one I will keep. I never thought much about what it said until recently.

Today, I got a message from a former student from around 1990; He is retiring from the army and going to become a teacher. Here is part of our conversation:

""You are part of the reason I want to teach you know. You impacted my entire life! Years and years from that desk in front of the room. If I am blessed to grow old, my success will have your DNA. Who wouldnt want that job?"

Man, I loved this "kid" back in the day. I clearly remember him front and center in my English class, though I don't recall what year. Jervie was contemplative back then, and I'm sure he still is. He always had a serious look on his face, and really thought before he spoke....and what usually came out was profound. Now, he wants to teach. More power to him; he spent 23 years in the army, so he can handle whatever education throws at him. He wants to "make a difference." God bless him.

This is Kakeshia, another Ruffin alum.  She says I influenced her to be a teacher (not on purpose!).  She is a Gifted and Talented teacher in the Atlanta area and has been a Teacher of the Year.  She and her hubby, also a Ruffin alum, have adopted a brother and sister.  I will always remember Kakeshia's big smile and gorgeous, big eyes.

This inset picture is of me and Dr. Wanda Boatwright, yet another Ruffin alum who says she became a teacher because of me, at least in part.  Wanda has also been a Teacher of the Year in the Atlanta area.  (The guy in the big picture is yet another story.)  

Ruffin High was a Title One, high poverty school.  In spite of that, it has many success stories.  These are just the ones I know of who went/will go into teaching.  For more of good ol' Ruffin High, go here:  here

Retirement Benefit #1: Rid of nasty, jealous people

We have no control over with whom we work unless we change jobs.  As I was cooking Priscilla's meal this morning, the first benefit of retirement hit me:  choosing with whom I spend time.  No longer do I have to tolerate nasty, jealous, selfish people.

In the last two years, I have come to the conclusion that some people are just naturally nasty, jealous, MISERABLE people........and if we looked at their lives, we would see they have been that way either their entire lives, or pretty darn close.  There are two women at work who, in their "infinite wisdom,"  decided nearly two years ago that I was not "pulling my weight" in the work department.  As though they, with their cushy positions, had any room to talk--or as though they even "knew" what I did.  Anyway, one has her nose so far up the other's butt that she can't see straight.  The other one dictates what this one's relationships will be.  It's really comical in a way, but then again, it is pitiful.  Yes, I pity them because both are clearly miserable people walking around with a perpetual scowl.

The funny thing is:  my being gone next year will not heal their bitterness and anger, for that is the core of whom they are.  They.will.pick.the.next.person.to.be.jealous.of.

However, benefit #1 of retirement is choosing whom I will let breathe my air.

God Rights Wrongs

I have been blessed beyond measure with a retirement party and then today, more gifts.  It's.not.about.the.gifts.  It IS about how they make me feel.

For most of my career, I have been abused and unappreciated, as most teachers are.  My goal is to blog about my experiences over the next year---and get it out of my system so I can truly close this chapter of my life.

I told one of the "girls" (Heck, anyone younger than I is a girl, but the two teachers who organized my party are in their 20s.) that I would expect 3-4 people.  I was blown away to see it was standing room only with 30 desks taken as well as 4 or 5 chairs, too.  Granted, some people came for the food, but many gave food and monetary donations towards the gift cards.  I was in awe.  

But......I am reminded that God rights wrongs.  He takes injustices and eventually turns them around, if one has faith.  I wholeheartedly believe that.

Today, I received more gifts.  This gift card came from a classified lady, meaning she is a support staff person who doesn't make that much.  I feel this was a sacrifice.  She said she will always remember me for my perseverance and toughness.  Yes, one does not survive 21 years in middle school at 4 feet 11 if she is a wimp.  I have already been to the Hilton Head website and see a facial in my future.  ON.THE.DAY.I.CHOOSE.WHENEVER.I.CHOOSE

This bag below was from a lady who had already contributed to my party.  If you can see the mug behind the Russell Stover candy (all gone!  My philosophy is to eat it in one day; then, I can start fresh with my eating tomorrow!), it says on the inside rim, "I can do all things through Christ."  That is my mantra and has been throughout my career.  She also included an adult scripture coloring book, which I will be doing!  Of course, she added some cat treats for me, too, such as a much-needed spoon rest.

Then, I was gifted with this bag of coffee from a local, on-island cafe.  It's pecan flavored.  I can't wait to try it alone and again, mixed with my Starbucks Verona for a chocolate-pecan flavor.  It will be nice to drink coffee whenever I want and pee when I want!  Sorry, but that is NOT a given for teachers, folks!

Finally, my second boss and her husband/pet children gave me this:

It resembles my Snowflake, except she has a blue eye and a green one.

So, I give God all the glory in making this retirement something I will never forget.  He began to turn things around three years ago.  What he has shown me through this is two things:

1.  More people liked me than I thought.
2.  He is faithful.  I am going out with a feeling of being appreciated for the first time in my life.

Book 1, Chapter 29 Closes

Some people are big party people and would celebrate a retirement with a huge blow-out in a fancy restaurant or bar.  I'm not a big party person.  Two of the young teachers at my school decided to throw me a small retirement party after school yesterday, and that suited me just fine.  I have been in the same school for 13 years.  Last week, one lady called me a "staple."  I think that will live with me as long as I have my good mind.  A staple is something you always keep in your kitchen, like flour or sugar.  I am/was the longest consecutive teaching staff member in that school, so I suppose I am/was a staple.  Here are some pictures of my party.  I don't scrapbook, so my memories' footprints will be here and in my Facebook album.  

Someone (LeAnna) stalked my Facebook to get the above collage of pictures, but then she went to the trouble of printing them like real pictures.  How does one even do that?  I have no clue.

This card below is from the Morgan family.  I had the pleasure of teaching 6 of their 8 children.  This family is the DREAM family any teacher DREAMS of.  Honestly, I can not say enough about how they have reared their children.  While no child is perfect, they come darn close....and they are smart to boot!

This is a bouquet they gave me.  Just gorgeous

Two of my colleagues who retired in the last 5 or so years brought me these mums.  I was so happy to see Sherri and Deb again!

These are two gift cards they gave me.  I think this was when I cried.  I really didn't expect more than 4 or 5 people to show up, but there were over 30.  The room was packed; all the desks were taken, the chairs, and a few were standing.

One sweet colleague and her son gave me this Starbucks card.

My BFF came and gave me a Walmart card and said I could go any day, any time of day I want.  No more answering to a clock!

This cute sign was part of the decorations.  It's framed so I can keep it as a memento from the party.

Finally, some videos of the party.

The first is what I saw when I came in.

The food video

More video of the people who came

One of my students from 4 years ago came back.  Her mom is the School Resource Officer at my school.  Maggie was in my GT 6th grade ELA class at the end of the day that year.  She is not only beautiful, but smart as a whip, as the saying goes.

If you made it this far through my retirement party memories, I thank you.  Yesterday was the last day I have with students, and it ended with a bang.  I brought them all candy bar brownies and had a raffle for items from my classroom and home; stuffed animals and sketch books were the big attractions.  Everything I allotted for the raffle was given out, and the recipients were happy, so mission accomplished!

Next Wednesday, May 31, chapter 29 closes on Book 1 of My Life.   Book 2 awaits.

In the Rearview Mirror

Four weeks from today I will turn in my keys for the last time and my badge.  I am 100% certain this is the right thing for me and my parents, but I am sure I will be emotional as I relinquish all I have known for 29 years.  I know there is a time and season for everything, and I know mine is about up.

Right after I signed my first contract, I traded my perfectly fine 1980 Clemson orange Mustang for a 1988 Nissan Sentra.  And.....I signed a lease on a cute craftsman style house across from Walterboro High's football stadium.  All this before I ever got my first paycheck.  When I did get it, my heart dropped; my take home was $464.  One check didn't cover my car payment and rent.  Since Mother didn't want me moving home, she gave me $150 a month to be able to stay on my own. 

As I was going through things, I found some relics.  Teachers are notorious pack rats.  This book of essay topics has travelled with me for 29 years.  There are thousands of topics covering close to 100 subjects, but I think it is time to let it go.

It traveled with me to 5 schools and 17 classrooms:

    Ruffin High:  8 years and 2 rooms
    Colleton Middle:  4 years and 1 room
    Colleton Prep:  1 year and 1 room
    Whale Branch Middle:  3 years and 3 rooms
    Robert Smalls:  13 years and 7 rooms (more on THAT in another post)

As I was going through things,I came across these notes from 10 years ago.  I remember because I had these students in 2006-2007 right before I knew I had cancer.  I remember each of these student's faces.

I am sure as I move forward, more memories will bubble to the surface, but these students were some of the best I have had.  We had single gender classes that year with one girls' class, one boys' class, one coed regular, and one GT coed.  That was the time I realized I much preferred teaching boys.  Girls are too drama-filled.  And, the GT class was da bomb.  I remember writing them a letter where I highlighted each one of them and what I would remember them for.  At least one is already married. What I love about Facebook is being able to keep up with them.  

Twenty-nine years was just a minute ago.

God's Timing

Once again, God's timing is impeccable, and this is one of those times I am totally floored that he cares that much about me to speak to me through my guardian angel.  (My guardian angel shall remain nameless, but I'll give one  hint:    He is a student from my first year teaching in 1988.)

The devil has been messing with my mind today.  He tends to do that when I am on the verge of victory in some area.  I decided this afternoon to message said G.A. and ask him and his wife to pray for me.  His response blew me away:  He said, "wow.  5 minutes ago I got a 'you need to call Ms. Williams' as clearly as if you were sitting here next to me....I think we need to talk."

So, talk we did!  I told him what was going on, and he told me just what I needed to hear.  AND.it.came.from.God.through.his.mouth.to.my.ear.  There is NO other explanation of why I would message him right after he had that "feeling/message."  Anyway, the bottom line of the message was for me not to worry, so I won't!.

God's timing is impeccable, but we have to be willing to listen for his voice.

God *is* in the details

Some people would say that what I'm about to write about is nothing more than "luck."  I don't subscribe to that; I give credit where credit is due:  GOD.

HERE      I wrote about the saga of the $1788 job to repair a coil on my AC unit.  Now, for the update:

I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, as a friend recommended.  It took a week because the owner was out of the country, but I did hear from him.  He sent a second repairman, one of his best, for a second opinion.  Low and behold---The first guy was WRONG, so he had them order the wrong part!  For the five year-old unit, the compressor had blown for the second time.  This time they theorize it was due to my fins being bent after my brother pressure washed my house two years ago.  (Lesson learned:  Do it MYSELF, and I shall!).  So, because I've been so "patient," the owner is knocking the normal $1400 one man job to $900.  Whether $1400 is actually what it normally costs, I don't know and don't care.  The bottom line is I am getting it for half the original quote, AND I don't have to dip into savings to do it!  

While I was on the phone, the owner asked me if I would notify the BBB that the situation was resolved.  Not so fast...I was nice, but I told him I would not until the issue is truly resolved.  I will, however, let them know that pending the completion of the job, I am satisfied it is progressing in that direction.  

So, thank you Beverly, for suggesting I contact the BBB.   As I did so, I knew God would take care of things, and He did!

Overwhelmed

I was/am a single parent.  I left my ex in December of 1998 after fleeing the house to a neighbor's and calling the police.  I didn't realize he had left red marks on my neck until the cops came that night.  They carted him off to jail, and I mobilized, calling my dad, who in turn called my brother and nephew and his wife.  We packed the house until 2am if I recall.  The next morning I appeared at the jail to see if they could keep him away from the house since he was getting out on a PR bond.  They gave us until noon; we pulled out the last load a few minutes before that, and my son and I moved in with my parents and rented a storage unit for virtually everything else.  The judge had said, "Don't take anything that belongs to him."  So, it was.  I did leave him some dishes and the living room furniture.  Oh, and when he got to the house, he called me and asked, "Where's my f---ing money?  You took my f--ing money!)  (He did side jobs he never told me about to fuel his beer and tobacoo.)  Yes, my niece-in-law found $200  as we were packing.

We lived with my parents for nearly 3 years.  During that time, I took on my first part-time job as a Partylite candle consultant, going into homes for home parties.  When I worked it, I did very well, but my introversion held me back.  Over the years, I began teaching after school, co-ordinating after school with my BFF, teaching summer school, and teaching extended learning when we were a year-round school system.  If it meant extra money, I did it.  See, my ex never paid child support save one six month period about 6 or 7 years ago when his wages were garnished.  I found out years ago that since I was not on welfare, the state would not go after him.  (Thanks, cheap Governor Mark Sanford, for not adding SC to the National Child Support Network.)

I was and am not afraid of work, though I prefer using my mind to do it.  Over the years my parents helped us some, but primarily it was left to me.  Many times I felt overwhelmed, drowning even.  There were many times when I used the credit cards to pay bills and repair bills.   Through it all, I had one whom I could always count on to pull me through:  God.  He always provided our needs.  

Today I felt overwhelmed with a repair bill whereby I know the company has inflated its labor charges to cover the part on my AC unit being under warranty.  $1788 for 4 hours of labor?  Really?  When I told the repairman that, all he could do was flash a sly smile and shrug; he doesn't make the charges.

So, I will get through this just as I have every other challenge that comes with being a single parent of a household.  I look at our two lives--mine and my ex's.  I survived cancer even after the tumor perforated the colon.  I am looking at retirement in 51 days, and I have 3 part-time jobs to supplement that (online mentoring, tutoring--which are separate jobs--and petsitting for one couple)   He, on the other hand, has prostate cancer, was homeless nearly two years ago (and who knows how many other times?), is on disability due to his back, and is an alcoholic.  He has been in pain since before I knew him (his back).  What do I have that he doesn't?  Jesus.  Jesus has been with me every step of the way.  Because of that, I may be downtrodden, but I am not defeated.

Pseudo Christianity Will Lead to "I Never Knew You"

Matthew 7:21-23English Standard Version (ESV)

I Never Knew You

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

As Jesus says here, there are many who *think* they are going to heaven---they may go to church or think of themselves as *godly* people; they may bow their heads and say their daily prayer---but truly, their actions and speech, particularly their speech, contradict their assertions.  They are nasty people who have nothing even remotely resembling Jesus in them.   This is only a few verses of what the Bible says about the tongue:

Matthew 12:36-37 - But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.   (Read More...)

James 1:26 - If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion [is] vain.

James 3:6 - And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

Finally, "out of the mouth, the heart speaks."  Yes, what is in our hearts is what comes forth from our mouths.  When virtually everything that springs forth is degrading others, how can there be any Christ in the person? Ecclesiastes 10:13 tells us that "Pride is the beginning of sin..."  Pride is a hideous sin for it will separate the person from God forever.  Picture someone who is unable to admit any wrongdoing or apologize because of his/her pride.  That is a miserable person (at the core) who aims to make everyone else miserable as well.  What is that person's fate?

Some are given a pass

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- 2A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 3A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. (Ecclesiastes)

When given a cancer diagnosis, why are some people spared and others die? For that matter, any sickness.Here  http://onedayatatime-ginger.blogspot.com/2008/07/handling-what-we-are-given.html I wrote about getting my cancer diagnosis and the morning of the surgery *knowing* I would be fine.  My dad is in the middle of immunotherapy for cancer in a lymph node.  We are optimistic, but of course, we won't know the outcome until after his treatments and he has another pet scan.  

A childhood friend I'm friends with on FB reported a few months ago that her father-in-love has cancer.  I have been praying for him.  Sadly, yesterday she reported there is nothing more that can be done, and hospice has been called in.  

Two years ago my mother was sent home under hospice to die from congestive heart failure.  To shorten the story, by December of 2015 she had decided to get up from that hospital bed, and with the help of two physical therapists, she is now walking with a walker and getting her hair done each Friday.  My parents go where they want around town, as long as someone drives them.

Two weeks ago a friend was hospitalized with pneumonia and pleurisy.  He nearly died, but God spared him, and he is now home with a long road of recovery. 

Why?  Why did I and my mother get a pass, and seemingly my father and my friend, but my other friend's father-in-law didn't?  We have lived  in a fallen world since the event in the garden.  Yes, God is the great healer and could heal anyone at any time, but His ways are not our ways.  There are some things we will never understand on this earth.  Could it be as simple as "It's not our time"?  Yes, it could.  The moral is take every day as though it were your last and appreciate it for what it is.  None of us know how much time we have; Dad is 89, mother is 84, I was 44 when diagnosed, my friend is 59, and my friend's father-in-law is around 70.  Some of us get a pass, but others don't.  

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.